For Valentine's Day: A Mushy Post about The Librarian

Hi all, it is almost Valentine's Day! And as on the actual day I'll be going to work --> baby doctor appointment --> Valentine's dinner, I thought I'd take some time to post about how awesome The Librarian is as a partner, especially during the wild ride of pregnancy.

Speaking of which- I'm in third trimester! We're not sure how this happened but it feels wild. We're getting the baby's room together, have made a to-do list, and next month a friend is hosting a baby shower. The fetus is moving around all the time still, which still surprises and fascinates me. Thankfully I haven't seen a clear foot outline as that seems freaky, but I do see my body move when she gets enthusiastic in there. But anyway, on to the point of this post!

Ways The Librarian is the Best:

1. Tries to feed me even when all food was my enemy. As I noted in my first pregnancy photo, eating while pregnant is hard. When I first started to feel awful during first trimester, she bought $150 of vegetarian protein things in desperation to find something that would work. Just tonight, I was feeling puny and realized I hadn't eaten enough protein so she made me eat something and I felt so much better. She's the primary cook in our house, and dutifully made me bland things, and avoided cooking her meaty things as much so the smell wouldn't send me over the edge. 
2. Taking over the chores. Sistren, I like being an independent lady who can do things for myself. But when growing a fetus this is just not always possible. Winter has been terrible and never ending this year, and The Librarian has had to do all the shoveling and salting. When we could only find 1 pair of yaktrax she insisted I wear them to navigate the skating rink that our driveway became (did y'all know gravel driveways are the worst in ice? We didn't!). I also can't carry many things as there's not much space in front of me these days. Many chores I would normally do now fall to her, and she does them all without complaining.
3. Reminds me to take breaks. Similarly, I am not good at not working. During grad school years, The Librarian was great about making me take breaks. The same is true now. I'm growing a human, which is always work! The world won't end if I wait a little longer to grade papers or work on my research. 
4. Does all the baby gear research. This is where the librarianing skills really kick in! Since I first got knocked up, The Librarian started a spreadsheet (of course) with all the stuff we needed, and researched the best brands. So when it was time to make the registry she already knew what we needed and set it all up. I tend to look at the research, get overwhelmed, and close the web browser so this division of labor works great for me! My skills were best spent finding a photographer for a newborn photo shoot (because duh, cute photos are my favorite) and registering for cute clothes with rainbows, cats, and unicorns. Someone has to be the practical one, and in this case it is definitely not me. 
5. Is a true partner. I think this is partly our lesbian advantage here. In our centering class (which is the program we're doing for prenatal care, look it up, totally recommend it!) there is a little activity book, which asks things like who is going to do X job or who is in charge of making X decision. We were appalled that apparently in some relationships these things (like changing diapers, making the childcare decisions) are one sided. Is this a super hetero thing? Do people choose to live their lives this way? This is not how we roll, and we've enjoyed talking about lots of imagined parenting scenarios, how we want to talk to Fennell about certain issues, what we're excited to do with Fennell, etc. I can't imagine being in a situation where my partner wasn't just as excited and invested as me. We made this decision together, went to the appointments to make Fennell together, and that's how it will go. I mean, we know that we'll have disagreements, and that the first few months are going to be a terrible sleep-deprived time, and have vowed that even if we hate each other we'll get through it. Wish us luck!

To all my pregnant sistren out there, I hope you have a partner who's as awesome as mine. I am so glad I'm not doing this alone, and wouldn't want to do it with anyone else.

Straight Nonsense: Exhibit A

Straight Nonsense: Exhibit B

We're having a baby!

Greetings sistren! It's been... a long time so I have no idea if this blog will be read but I thought it was time for an update. Things have been busy for The Librarian and I since we last spoke! In 2016, I graduated with my PhD, got a TT job (woot!), then The Librarian found a job in the same town, and after a lot of stress and decision making we were able to move to the Midwest. Now we live in a small college town where I am still bewildered by things like having to go to work when it snows (seriously- WTH?) and Midwestern food norms where "seasoning" means either "salt," "sugar," "ranch," or simply "deep friend." I thought the South liked sweets and fried food but now I know the real fans of those are in Middle America. 

In other news- The Librarian and I are having a baby in May. I'm pregnant! For those who don't know me/somehow stumble on this blog, this is not something I ever thought I would say. I've never had romantic feelings about pregnancy or been one of those women who dreamed of having babies. I always thought I'd adopt, so it took a lot of thinking about it and conversations to make this decision. But I'm happy with our decision and looking forward to parenting! I will post later about the things I and the librarian are looking forward to doing in the future with Fennel (our in-utero nickname) but for now, I'll share the pros and cons of being pregnant. Starting with the pros, as that's the shortest list. Pregnancy is terrible and I don't know how the human race has survived since this is the way we reproduce. But at least when things are gross I haven't suffered any disillusionment as I was expecting it! Hooray?

20 weeks! Yes, we have a rainbow fence!

Pros of Pregnancy

1. Maternity pants. Sistren, as someone who's always had a belly, maternity pants are the greatest invention of all time. I may never give them up. 
2. No litter box! As a pregnancy precaution, I don't have to change the litter box! Woot! We have 2 cats, one with kidney issues who pees all the time, so this is a great perk! 
3. Pregnancy brain excuses. "Sorry I didn't do the thing, pregnancy" is a great, and valid excuse! Works every time!
4. Thicker hair. My hair is on the thin side normally, and now with my hair thicker due to the hormones I finally have the lesbian hair I've always wanted! It stays spiked up now! It's so mid-2000s and I am living for it!
5. Second trimester delusion. Now that I'm in my second trimester, I've been feeling pretty good. I can eat! I have energy and can do things like my job! Writing! Hiking! And we got to see the baby on the ultrasound this week, which was SO FUN! They were moving their arms and legs around all over the place, so now when I feel them tickling me inside my body (which is the most bizarre sensation) I have a visual of what the heck is going on in there. This is making me think oh maybe I COULD do this again though first trimester I swore this was one and done. This is how your brain tricks you! Damn you, evolution!

Cons of Pregnancy

Pregnancy is so hard, y'all. If there was an incubator like in the Matrix where I could put the baby until it was ready to be it's own person, I would! Here are some of the worst things for me about being pregnant. If anyone needs to vent about how much growing a tiny human sucks, I am here for you! I am even keeping a tally of some of the shitty things so when Fennel is a teenager and being ornery I can whip it out to show them. Then they can yell "I never asked to be born!" It'll be great!

1. Everything about first trimester. First trimester is TERRIBLE. The Librarian and I have watched a lot of the great TV show "I didn't know I was Pregnant" and those much be the luckiest pregnant people alive because seriously how did they not know? It's also hard because you feel miserable, but are probably trying to keep the news semi-secret as you want to make sure everything's going OK. So then you feel like shit but don't want to tell people why you're cranky and being anti-social. I'll detail more below, but first trimester is so bad it needs it's own entry.
2. Fatigue. First trimester is exhausting! Many days it was all I could do to get through teaching my classes, and then I would crash. Falling asleep on the couch at 7:30 pm was pretty common. Luckily I don't have a 9-5 job or I don't know how I would've coped. Women in that situation, I salute you!
3. Trying to eat taking over your life, combined with terrible nausea and vomiting. I LOVE food. Eating has never been something that was hard for me- overeating yes, but not the simple intake of food. First trimester I lost nearly 10 pounds from not being able to eat (which is normal- who knew?). There were many days of laying on the couch, trying desperately to eat something by taking teeny, tiny bites and sometimes still not being able to hold anything down. One morning I was able to eat a few cheese cubes The Librarian got from Aldi, and it probably took 5 minutes to nibble one cube. Then she just picked one up and put it in her mouth like it was nothing and I was furious! I couldn't eat any flavors- The Librarian nicely made me a carrot soup (for a few weeks blended veggie soups were one of the only things I could eat) but forgot about the flavor thing before she put in the tiniest bit of rosemary. Came right back up. And when food doesn't stay down, or just waking up in the morning makes you puke (yeah, that's a thing), it was the most violent puking I'd ever experienced. All the progesterone just wreaks havoc on your body and wretching would sometimes give me a sore throat. I had less food cravings and more aversions, and then certain foods would be palatable for a few days before tasting terrible again. Some of the things I could eat over those first few months were carrots, apples, bread, and cheetos. So strange. All those pregnancy advice columns about eating greens mocked me. It was even more annoying as I'm a vegetarian, and I couldn't eat anything green. Fennel was definitely feeling like the parasite they are, little punk. 
4. Digestion is a struggle. Along with eating issues, digestion is so hard while pregnant. Once you can eat food, and it stays down, digesting it is hard. I can feel my food travel all through my digestive tract, which is gross. There's a lot of burping, hiccuping, and the worst gas you've ever experienced. Now that Fennel takes up more space, my stomach is pushed up and I have to eat smaller portions. If I overdo it, I can feel my food still in my chest, because it is!! How is this allowed? I am kind of jealous of those women who gain a lot of weight when pregnant because I don't know how they can eat enough food to do so. Though who knows, maybe I'll be able to do that in a few months, pregnancy is wild.
5. Facial hair. Y'all, the vitamins and all the hormones mean I could have a goatee if I want, or maybe an early-2000s soul patch. Not my personal style choice, so this side effect is just annoying.
6. Sore boobs and hips. Your body starts to do all kind of weirdness to prepare for the baby, and it's painful. Sleeping bras are a thing. These days, I'm spending about 30 minutes in the morning with a heating pad on my hip. I do have a u-shaped pregnancy pillow a friend lent me which is amazing and helps a lot, but things are still achy. 
7. Acne. I don't know what this "glowing" thing is some people claim, I just have acne. Hooray. With the extra facial hair it's such a joy!

So anyway- that's our news and some of my lists! I hope to keep posting about the pregnancy if I have time. I'm thinking a post on what we're excited about, all the books we've already got for the baby, and a shout out to The Librarian who is seriously the best partner I could ever ask for through all of this. Also, Indigo Labrys is obviously going to be the Earth Mother. We even had a photo shoot when I saw her in November. By photo shoot, I mean we took selfies, but it counts.