Today, the Librarian’s Lesbian Lover and I got together this morning to work on our respective academic projects; however, we soon realized that my work, at least, needed to be put on hold in order to give some timely advice to our friends.
Two of our fair sistren are experiencing relationship woes and have (wisely or not) asked Not Allured and I for advice. (I’m just being modest. You should definitely ask us for advice. You should ALSO expect us to blog about it.)
Anyway. So here are their respective quandaries in a nutshell (forgive me; patriarchy is everywhere, sistren): how do we ask someone out? Their situations are very different; one, “Xena,” is single and ready to mingle but doesn’t know other available lesbians; the other, “Not Gay Clara,” has her eye on a new man-friend, but is worried about ruining a potential friendship by asking him out.
To both of these women, we say: WOMAN UP, SISTREN, AND PUT YOUR MONEY WHERE YOUR MOUTH IS. (And then you can put your mouth everywhere! Eheheh.)
When Not Allured and I communicated this to our sistren, one of them began bemoaning the difficulty of relationships. Which is a perfectly acceptable thing to have feels about. (Come here and let me validate you.) However, we would like to make one thing VERY CLEAR: good relationships of any kind are not simple and easy.
But why not, Indigo Labrys? So many wonderful things are simple and easy! And this is true, my sistren!
Here is a list of things that should be simple and easy:
- A good recipe for chocolate-chip cookies
- Making jokes about your mom
- Converting oxygen into carbon dioxide
- Buttering your toast
- Petting your cat(s) (but be prepared for the bite!)
- Wearing cat shirts
- Getting a labrys tattoo
- Tasting the rainbow
- Boiling water
- Recognizing how hot Chris Pureka is (MARRY US CHRIS. We have healthy ideas about what a good relationship looks like, and we suspect you may need some help in this area, because FUCK, "Burning Bridges" is a sad song, yo)
- Making fun of the GOP
- Righteous anger at anti-abortion legislation
- Walking your dog
- Brushing your teeth
- Singing along to “Closer to Fine” in the car with your sistren
And this is just the beginning. However, do you know what will never appear on this list?
RELATIONSHIPS.
It’s sad! I know that I, like many of my sistren, have dreamed of the day when I would lock eyes with another lady while playing pool at the local lesbian bar and then I would check out her boobs and notice that her shirt was covered in cat hair and then I’d raise my eyes to hers again and see them filled with (a) her soul and (b) my soul and (c) tears of joy. And without speaking a single word, we’d walk across the room to each other and join hands – and hearts! And then we’d have an anti-wedding because we think marriage is inherently oppressive and creepy (a topic for another day, sistren) and raise a family of cats together, and spend our spare time making muffins, and bad jokes, and sweet sweet love but also frolicking in fields with woodland creatures and, like, unicorns.
And we would play the Indigo Girls all the time and we would never be sad.
But even though this vision of a relationship is as shining and beautiful as Taylor Swift’s hair, it cannot actually exist in the real world (possibly also like my girl Taylor’s hair).
Because interacting with another human being – whether it is your BFFL, your mother, your lesbian lover, your fuck-buddy, your archnemesis, or your cat – is inherently complicated. You are engaging with an embodied consciousness that is entirely different from your own, and expecting that to be either simple or easy is both cray-cray and kinda boring. You are dealing with another human being and because that human being is not you, you’re going to have some issues. While we are not advocates of relationships that are constantly difficult (I could never forge a soulbond with an Ayn Rand fan, for example), Not Allured and I firmly believe that a good relationship should be challenging.
And it will be challenging from the beginning because this is how it goes, sistren. Sometimes you need to ask that hot slice from the gym out, and that’s going to involve a certain amount of risk and uncertainty and maybe it will be difficult BUT HEY, maybe you’ll also get laid.
