Separated for the Holidays? A Coping Guide

If your families live far apart, or are not cool with your lady-loving ways, you and your companion may have to separate for the holidays. It can be tough to be separated from your lady lovah during these times of laughter and good cheer, but we are here to help you with these timely tips:

1. Constant text messaging. Did you just see a snowflake? A cute kitten? A cloud shaped kind of like the birthmark on her thigh? She needs to know these things immediately! Why wait for a phone call, email, or holiday card? This way it is like she is experiencing your every moment with you, despite your physical difference.
2. Video messages. Record a sweet or sexy (you naughty thing!) video for your love muffin and send away! Or, post to her facebook wall so that everyone is aware of your luurrvveee for each other. This will also keep the bitches away while you're apart- you must claim your woman as yours!
3. Nightly phone calls. "You hang up, no you hang up!" These goodnight chats can bring your closer together.
4. Bombard her twitter or facebook page as much as possible. Send her video clips of sad songs so she knows you are incomplete without her, pictures of sad homeless puppies, empty chairs, anything to show that your soul is incomplete without her by your side. 
5. Cosmic connection. Clearly, as lesbians we are cosmically and spiritually connected to our partners, from the moment we gaze lovingly and soulfully into each others' eyes. You might think that this means you don't need to follow the first four tips- but that would be wrong, sistren. You must maintain constant vigilance against the forces that would tear your unbreakable bond apart.