Is she really gonna spend four days with just you and your dad?

Sistren, Indigo Labrys and I have recently returned from (separate) family vacations with our lady friends. It thus seemed time to talk about surviving this u-haul rite of passage with all two of you readers, and so I hope you enjoy this vignette.

For part of our recent vacay, the Librarian and I went on a four-day rafting trip with my dad. Just the three of us, on a raft, on a no trace river. In case you don't recognize that term, that means you have to take everything out with you. Everything. Just think about it for a second.

This led to many bonding experiences over conversations about the "groover" (camp toilet): how to use it, where to use it, why you shouldn't tip it over, how to carry it on the boat, how to squat over it without falling over, how to manage the toilet paper (hint, don't drop the only roll in the river on the 2nd day, which I may or may not have done), what to do if you have your period while using it (which became relevant on day 2- bad timing), etc. This also led to comments from my dad to the Librarian like "your ass is really white!" when he turned around too soon.

Before leaving on the trip, the Librarian and I went out with one of my old pals (also a fabulous gay lady) whom I've known since high school. She also knows my dad pretty well. When we told her about these plans, she asked, "Has she ever spent much time with your dad?" in a voice which insinuated that the librarian needed to be mentally prepared.

She had not, and I had been prepping her by warning her about all the lectures we would be getting about the proper way to tie knots and get into the boat (we kinda sucked at both of those things), and the constant teasing she would be subjected to. It only took two days for my dad to give her the first of a few new nicknames, which I will not repeat to keep our domestic harmony intact. But they were pretty funny, I can assure you.

Despite all these moments of ridiculousness, and the fact that the Librarian ended the trip with a wicked sunburn, we had a good time. I was a bit worried she would leave this trip thinking "omg, what have I gotten myself into?!" as my Dad can be a bit much sometimes, and we are also very, very similar. But I'm not as crotchety. Hopefully.... Anyway, the librarian and my dad got along great, we all had fun, and my lady friend has seen my family for the crazy that we are, and did not break up with me upon returning to civilization.

We hope to go on another rafting trip with him, if he'll consent to it. Typical of a dad, he still thinks I'm the same size I was in high school (which wasn't petite then either, let me tell you), and so grossly underestimated how much extra weight two adult women would add to his boat. Oh well, he got some good exercise.

From this experience, we want to offer our sistren these helpful tips:

• Just nod and agree with anything the parents out-of-law say. "Yes, I do find knot tying fascinating! Please tell me more!" 
• Accept instructions on how to do something you've been able to do successfully since the age of 12 gracefully. "Why thank you for telling me that a lid over the pan will make the food cook faster! Genius!"
• Accept their food preferences, no matter how off-putting or strange. "30 cloves of garlic in one dish? An entire Costco-sized bag of brussels sprouts? Sounds delicious!" (this is not an exaggeration)
• Ask for their advice on something- they love this! "How likely do you think it is that someone will come down the river this late?"
• Don't hold a grudge when their advice turns out wrong "Highly unlikely! Nobody will float by while you pee!" (shortly thereafter, two dudes may or may not have floated past and stared at the aforementioned white ass)
• No matter what you do, don't drop the toilet paper in the water!

We hope that all your family vacations will be full of wholesome bonding moments such as ours.

Proposing to your special lady friend

Sistren, our state made us angry today. In an attempt to lessen our feelings of deep depression, Indigo Labrys suggested a blog post on proposing! Whether it be marriage, civil union-ship, domestic partnership, or just "special roommates" if that's all your state/geographic location allows, we are here to help. Here are some suggestions, let us know if you have more!

Totally lesbo places to propose:

• Obviously, the boudoir. 
• Your softball game- obviously you're on the same team
• Your knitting/sewing/craft circle
• Your local co-op, preferably in the organic food section, or by the kombucha
• A women's book store
• A ({}) bar
• At the dog park
• Karaoke bar
• Homo Depot
• The animal shelter, whilst picking out your third cat

Suggestions for popping the question:

• When she wakes up and is barely conscious, ask her to be yours forever before she has her wits about her, she's bound to say yes! When she seems confused about it later, keep up your enthusiastic gushing about your big day.
• Have the score keepers put it on the score board, and drop down on one knee at home plate. Go the extra mile and have the ring hidden inside a catcher's mitt, cut out softball, you get the idea, keep that creativity up my friend.
• Knitting the question in a nice afghan, or just the letters themselves. Kinda like in Charlotte's Web, but more awesome and less misogynistic.  
• What better way to say "I want to be your permanent soul bond" than during a domestic activity? Nothing says I love you forever like a routine trip to the store. Seal the deal by getting a family membership to the co-op!
• Choose some lesbian romance novels, or lesbo wedding ones, that can serve as a metaphor for your relationship (I do not suggest In Too Deep- shudder.). Browse these with your lady friend and then say you want this fiction to be a reality!
• Who doesn't love a proposal in front of a bunch of drunken, rowdy strangers? Popping the question at your local ({}) bar is a surefire way to get a lot of pats on the back and  free drinks from the other patrons. Get down on bended knee on the dance floor, and she's sure to swoon. Just make sure the song isn't so loud she can't hear you, or she may just think you're doing a weird dance move.
• Attaching the ring to your dog's collar- what better way to propose than to include your fur child in the event? And if she says no, you can claim he stole the ring from someone else! It's a win-win.
• Sing her a special love song at karaoke (Indigo Labrys can give you some ideas- but be cautious in taking her recommendations, dear sistren), and then get down on one knee. The other lady's at the bar are sure to cheer you along!
• Go buy some permanent glue or those screws that you'll never get out of the wall again, and tell your lady friend that you want this to last forever. Then go pick out some lovey-dovey paint colors and new curtains so that your love can be visualized.
• Go find one of those kitties whose meow sounds like "I love you" and you're golden! What a great way to tell your lady friend that you want to make an honest kitty-mommy out of her?

 No matter the situation where you live, we hope this helps you. Perhaps in a later post we'll suggest romantic words to utter at this crucial moment.

Recent Occurrences

Per the suggestion of Indigo Labrys- she's probably the only one out of our 2 readers who will find this amusing. (click on the pictures for easier viewing)