But a few days ago Indigo Labrys (hello!) and I were watching an amazing Lifetime movie called "Sex and Mrs. X" and thought, hey, there are some great lessons in here our sistren should learn about! (Confession - I LOVE Lifetime movies. Indigo Labrys knows this and got me a compilation DVD for Sistren Solstice, like a true Bosom Friend. IL: But not in a gay way like Anne and Diana, who are totally gay for each other.)
Because it's almost February 14, we want to help our sistren find the perfect way to show your lady that you love her. If you have more ideas for us, let us know! We (or I at least, to The Librarian's chagrin) will probably try it out!
- Touch her nose with your hand. This worked for the alien ladies in Codependent Lesbian Space Alien Seeks Same; it was the way they showed affection. I tried it on The Librarian in the car the next day (she had not seen the movie), and she was taken aback, batted my arm away, and claimed I was cutting off her flow of oxygen. I think that she was just overcome with emotion.
- Spit beer into her mouth. Indigo Labrys and some pals watched Robin's Hood and learned this sexy trick. Apparently feeding each other like you are a boozy mommy bird and an equally boozy baby bird will induce amorous feelings. I haven't tried it with The Librarian as she values hygiene. Sadly, you cannot see them doing this in the trailer, but you can see that poor bottle of beer BEFORE it is subjected to this terrifying intimacy.
- Pretend you are her "daddy" and she is your child. In the most horrifying film OF ALL TIME Mango Kiss, the main couple has a stagnant dating life. Mostly because they don't actually both want to be together. Then, they see a father and daughter building a sandcastle on the beach, and suddenly, one of them realizes exactly what she wants out of her romantic relationship ... for another woman to pretend to be her pirate daddy. Please go to about 1:15 to hear the horrifying declaration, "You will always be my daddy," and its response, "I will always be your captain." Just saying, this movie makes (1) BDSM (2) being poly (3) being a lesbian (4) wearing neat hats seem distinctly unfun and also pretty creepy. I am sad that this was at one point apparently voted Best Women's Feature at the NCGLFF.
- Make a murder pact. In Breaking the Girls, the crazy-er chick sexily promises to kill someone for her new lady friend. The other was really going to double cross her in the end, but whatever, SO ROMANTIC! If we kill someone together, that means we're really in love, right? NO. IT MEANS YOU ARE GOING TO JAIL TOGETHER.
- When tasting wine at a restaurant, dip your fingers into your glass and rub them on your lady's mouth. Hot right? That's what we learned from Sex and Mrs. X. According to the madam/etiquette teacher, it will drive your man wild! She's French, so she would know, and we assume it will work for ladies too. After we watched this scene, Indigo Labrys dipped her fingers in her water glass and rubbed it on her own mouth. She found this to be drippy and unsatisfying. But if you do it with wine and rub someone else's mouth, I'm sure it will work!
- Clip each other's fingernails ... erotically! I personally CANNOT BELIEVE my sistren forgot to list her most favorite filmic seduction of all - Go Fish. Who among us has not wanted to personally trim the nails of a prospective lover? And then keep the nail clippings along with locks of her hair? I surely cannot be alone in this. Anyway, Not Allured hates this, but who knows, your woman might just be into it... after all, the first cut IS the deepest. Giggity.
What sexy tips have you learned from movies? Have they worked?
**This post was inspired in part by Anna Pulley's hilarious commentary on trying Cosmo's craziest sex tips. Go read it if you haven't already!**
**This post was inspired in part by Anna Pulley's hilarious commentary on trying Cosmo's craziest sex tips. Go read it if you haven't already!**
