**Side note: I do NOT love metaphors that are mind-numbingly heavy handed, such as in the movie I recently watched with Indigo Labrys. I don't want to call anyone out, so let's just say the title starts with "A" and ends with "Perfect Ending." But I digress.
Anyhoo, inspired by Indigo Labrys' astounding previous post, I realized that there are more comparisons to be made between felines and the fairer sex.
Take, for example, The Librarian's cat, Cat-Megan, compared to another lady after your woman.
Her pretty face has fooled many a guest into thinking they could touch her, only to be viciously swatted or hissed at when they attempted to do so. Just like when a lady is trying to pry her way into your lady's pants. She may seem all sweetness and light, but don't let that exterior fool you!
Cat-Megan will feign affection for me sometimes, usually when The Librarian is out of town or she's hungry. Any hussy after your lady friend will do the same. Pretend to be your friend, laugh at your jokes, etc., all so that you let your guard down. Your lady friend is hanging out with her new coworker without you? You're happy she's got a new gal pal who's so awesome! Just beware if she's trying to butter you up with sweetness/ rubs against your legs a lot while purring.
Once you are out of the way, these pussy cats are quick to jump in bed and take your place. The second I'm up in the morning, Cat-Megan curls up with The Librarian. She either starts shooting daggers at me, or looks at me smugly while my lady friend pets and coos about how pretty she is. When I come back from a trip, Cat-Megan gives me a look as if to say "Oh, you're back? I thought she finally got rid of you." Fat chance, kitty! To assert your dominance over such a kitty, you could do as they do and rub your face over everything, or snuggle up to your lady every time the cat jumps in her lap. The same will work with aggressive lady lovers- just rub your face all over your girlfriend's body/ belongings in her presence and she'll get the hint.
Now, while you and everyone else know the cat/ the new lady pal is pure evil, your life companion remains oblivious and insists they are a sweet precious angel/ their BFF for life who is just misunderstood by the rest of the planet. And annoyingly, just as your girlfriend's cat physically gets in between you when you're cuddling, and causes an emotional ripple in your blissful we're-so-merged-we agree-on-everything state, this new queer lady pal always seems to manage to sit in between the two of you at the lesbian bar/ gay lady potluck/ softball tourney. She's trying to sink her claws into your lady's heart, just as Cat-Megan sinks her claws into your ankle when she attacks you on the stairs.
While the situation may seem desperate, fear not, sistren. We are here to help after all, not just whine about our problems!
Like Indigo Labrys has suggested, food is an excellent way to distract a cat, and also a lady intruder. While cooking tasty treats for a hussy may backfire as she may then never leave your home, throw some tasty ladies across her path instead! When you're all out at a lady bar, keep giving her a friendly nudge on the dance floor. Hopefully, she'll get distracted and forget about your lady friend. It's just like when Cat-Megan lovingly clamps her jaws around her favorite toy- a hussy won't want to let all those pretty ladies get away without taking a bite.
While constant vigilance can be necessary to keep the hussies and pussy cats away, I have confidence that our dear readers will be able to stop interlopers from infringing on your blissful love nest.
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