So as all four of the readers of this blog know, Not Allured and I really love us some lesbian romance novels.
Lesbian romance novels are a subject that is really close to my heart. Sometimes, even closer than cats. And while lesbian romance novels open up whole new worlds of lesbian goodness in the form of Xena-ubers, shudder-inducing depictions of sexytimes (see "Oranges Are Not the Only Fruit You Should Not Put in Your Vagina" and let your imagination run wild), and heartwarming tales of emotional pain had and healed, they also have develop some themes I find absolutely maddening.
Such as their inexplicable hatred of the one-night stand. Seriously, if I had a dollar for every time I read about a one-night stand in a lesbian romance novel that was (a) portrayed positively and (b) did not turn into an insta-relationship I still wouldn't have a single fucking dollar. It's like an unwritten rule that all lesbian romance novels mysteriously follow, kind of like when I walked into a lesbian bar for the first time and everyone started line-dancing at the exact same time for no particular reason.
In lesbian romance novels, the one-night stand functions as an opportunity for the lead alpha female (usually Xena in any of her beautiful and varied manifestations) to punish herself for her past crimes (failing to save her partner in Vietnam, that patient who died on the operating table, or when she accidentally shot her sister with a gun - whatever causes her secret pain). It's a way for her to avoid forming any sort of meaningful emotional connection because she can never let anyone get close to her ever again. And inevitably, by the end of the novel, Xena is able to realize that with the love of a good woman, she can forgive herself and move past her angst-riddled past.
Usually this happens during Xena and Gabrielle's first time, when Xena realizes that she's never known love like this before. All of those other sexytime encounters with ladies were totally devoid of meaning and they were probably just using her for her money / good looks / power anyway. (And if it's Xena, it's usually all three). Once you meet the love of your life!11! everything else falls into its proper perspective (which is to say, you realize how pointless and awful every part of your life up until this moment! is).
(If you want a visual of my face right now, it looks like this: FLAMES ON THE SIDE OF MY FACE. FLAMES).
Here's the thing, though - this trend annoys me in books because it's an attitude that way too many folks in real life express. (I know, imagine that! Books have something to do with real life? This shit is CRAZY, yo). (Also, you know who you are. ::glares::). It drives me absolutely batshit crazy when people are all like, "My previous relationships were totally meaningless, except for the part where they brought us together, cuddlebunny." Or like, "I've never really loved anyone ... (dramatic pause) ... until I loved you." Because what they're really saying when they say this is "You are the love of my life. Everything else before you was a dirty, fiendish LIE!"
I call bullshit. Because, for realz, there are lots of different relationships you can have. Sometimes you have relationships with people who would have been perfect for you if you'd met at the right time. Sometimes you have relationships with people who work for you at that time and place, but they aren't your forever home. And sometimes you just have relationships with people who are absofuckinglutely insane. (And that's ok too, because then you have great stories to tell forever).
And sometimes you don't have relationships! You just have one-night stands or date someone casually or make-out with someone in the bathroom at the local lesbian club. AND THAT'S OK, TOO. Contrary to popular belief, it doesn't mean you're morally vacant or emotionally stunted or incapable of forming a connection with another human being.
Why does this matter? Because seeing your relationship with your true love / partner in cat-parenting as the be-all and end-all to the exclusion of all other relationships is stupid. It leads people to jump into relationships that are wrong for them (rather than just calling a spade a spade and being like, "hey, we're hooking up! AWESOME!"). Or dismiss past relationships as invalid or pointless (you learn all the time, lesbos. Even when you don't want to). And to see monogamous couplings as the kind of holy grail of the queer experience, which is limiting and maybe not everyone's cup of herbal Woman's Moon Cycle tea.
So, to reiterate: one-night stands are totally ok. Go forth and make love in this club, lesbros.
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