Don't get me wrong; I love my cats.
And there are many places cats belong: on your couch, on your bookshelves, in any crinkly bag, on top of your papers, in the last place you look, and in your heart.
But they do not belong in your bedroom.
I'm going to help you get a sense of your boundaries first by providing you with the following questions. Answer honestly, or you won't be able to learn and grow from this experience.
(1) How many times have you begun to look tenderly into your lover's eyes and smooth back the hair from her forehead as you lean in to kiss her ripe, luscious mouth, when all of the sudden, your cats show up for some untimely petting action?
(2) How many times have you felt a pair of eyes on you in the boudoir that did not belong to your woman?
(3) How many times have you been in the throes of ecstasy when, between your murmured endearments and cries of pleasure, you became aware of an approving purr emerging from your ever watchful cats?
(4) How many times have you felt the sharp claws of a she-beast slash kitten rake your bare back as you make sweet sweet love?
(5) Has your lovemaking ever been disturbed by a cat landing on your face?
If your answer to any of these questions is yes or maybe or it wasn't my face, you have a problem. And I am here to help you. As the proud guardian of two cats, I too have had to deal with the always sensitive issue of cats in the bedroom. Many lesbians are very attached to their cats, after all, and some people take it badly when you ask them if Fluffykins could maybe sit this one out or if they wouldn't mind moving the litterbox from the bedroom so you don't have to listen to cats shuffling around in there while you make sweet lesbian love.
These people are (obviously) wrong.
Why does this happen? Like many of our other posts, this problem occurs because of a lack of respect for boundaries. There is a time and a place for cats (most of the time, and everywhere but your bedroom, respectively). Respect these boundaries and you won't have to worry about any of getting your back clawed off when you go downtown, or hearing anything during sex except the slick beats of Melissa Ferrick's "Drive" (or when you lover accidentally calls out for Rachel Maddow).
Nothing is more of a turn-off in bed than realizing there's more than two people in this relationship - and some of them are cats.
This is awesome. Not that anything like this has ever happened to me, or anything.
ReplyDeleteOf course not. This blog is about other people out there living their lives in the world of whom we know nothing!! (Tell the Librarian). :)
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