Wanna go back to my place? Preparing your boudoir for a lady friend.

A few days ago, I was watching a terrible typical lesbian movie with Indigo Labrys, Amy Ray, The Librarian, and other sistren friends, and Indigo Labrys and I had another brainstorm. Early in the "film," the main character brings a lady back to her abode. First, she does an unfortunate "sexy" dance in front of her headlights after she pulls into her driveway (don't do that, sistren) and then brings her into her house and her bedroom. It was atrocious! Clothes all over the bed! Props on the bed! Not good!

When you bring a lady over to your home for the first time, be prepared. Even if you think you're just meeting for coffee, or you're just going out to the lady bar to play darts, it's always my motto to be prepared just in case. (I was a Girl Scout, you know). It doesn't have to be so clean you could eat off the floor, but you don't want it to look like something's been nesting in there either. Next time you think there's a chance that a lady could be joining you for the evening, consider these points:

1. Don't have any barriers on the bed. Don't go all Tegan and Sara and "build a wall of books between [you] in your bed," save that for after you've u-hauled and grown bored. Don't leave books, remnants of your midnight snack, or discarded clothes from when you were deciding what to wear (because I'm assuming you followed my advice and did not go out in your track pants).  Throwing your lady on it in fit of passion stops being sexy when she gets all bruised from the crap you forgot you left there.
2. Don't leave your "marriage aids" out. This doesn't mean you can't use them right away if the mood strikes the two of you, but leaving them on your nightstand makes you look too eager.
3. Don't have a bunch of super-coupley pictures of you and your ex ladyfriend sitting around your bedroom, especially if they are in heart shaped picture frames that say "Lovahs4Life" or something. Now if you're polyamorous, your new partner knows this, and the pics are of your current lady (or ladies) I suppose this is OK, though it still might kill the mood.
4. Make sure you can have private sexy times. If you live with roommates, be sure they're cool. It can be awkward to have a lady over and have to traipse past your housemates first and make small talk. Hopefully you have a separate room (dorm children, I feel for you) and door with a lock! And some music on so you can whisper sweet nothings without your housemates overhearing. 
5. Make sure the sheets are clean. I mean, I hope you'd know that, but you can never be sure.

Keep it classy ladies! Don't bring your future soul-mate or one-night stand to a pigsty. Rats' nests are not sexy, and no one wants to worry about getting a disease or an injury from laying on your bed. You want ladies to flock to you, not suddenly make excuses about having to wake up early/ write a paper/ re-alphabetize their lesbian movie collection as soon as they see where you are going to put on the moves.